Angry Eden

Can you ever miss something you never had??

I sometimes imagine what my life would be like if things had gone different, what if i had said or done something different? Would my life be better?

I sit and i imagine this and it makes me cry. I look at other people and i am envious, desperate for a "normal" family life, the whole "2.4 children" upbringing and bond.

I crave to not be so socially unaccepted, to not have a father means i am different? I used to hate this, people used to look at me with such sadness in their eyes when i told them, people used to say "Oh it must have been hard for you growing up" and i would simply reply "I was happy with what i did have rather than focus on what i didn't" but this was/is a lie.
Coz what do they know? How do they know the pain and suffering that me and Reece have been through, how do they know about the endless times i have cried, the endless times i have hurt myself so much that my mother simply rejects me and blocks me out? How do they know that one day, one stupid day can change somebodies life in such a traumatic way forever??

HOW DOES ANYBODY KNOW THIS?? HOW CAN YOU TELL ANYBODY THIS??