Dude!!!
I am FULL ON happy with today’s events!!
The sparkle in my eyes is coming back!
All will be revealed soon!
x x x
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
Friday, 20 June 2008
Taylor Q n A
Taylor,
Can you miss something you never really had?
Can a broken heart be healed?
Can a smile be genuine and loyal?
Can two friends ever meet again?
Can you miss something you never really had?
Can a broken heart be healed?
Can a smile be genuine and loyal?
Can two friends ever meet again?
How To Be Dead.
Please don't go crazy if I tell you the truth,
No you don’t know what happened and you never will if,
You don’t listen to me while I talk to the wall,
This blanket is freezing its been out in the hall,
Where you fight me for hours, till I’m sure what I want,
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before,
So sweetheart tell me what’s up, I wont stop, no way.
Please keep your hands down and stop raising your voice,
It’s hardly what id be doing if you gave me the choice,
It’s a simple suggestion, can you give me some time,
So just say yes or no why can’t you shoulder the blame.
Coz my shoulders are heavy from the weight of us both,
Your a big boy now so lets not talk about both,
You’ve hardly listened to a word I have said,
Oh my god.
Please take it easy it can’t all be my fault,
I haven’t made half the mistakes that you've listed so far,
Baby let me explain something its all down to drugs,
At least I remember taking and not a lot else,
It seems I have stepped over lines you've drawn again and again,
But if the ecstasy's in the will is definitely out,
Dr Jekyll is Russell and Hyde,
From my pride.
No you don’t know what happened and you never will if,
You don’t listen to me while I talk to the wall,
This blanket is freezing its been out in the hall,
Where you fight me for hours, till I’m sure what I want,
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before,
So sweetheart tell me what’s up, I wont stop, no way.
Please keep your hands down and stop raising your voice,
It’s hardly what id be doing if you gave me the choice,
It’s a simple suggestion, can you give me some time,
So just say yes or no why can’t you shoulder the blame.
Coz my shoulders are heavy from the weight of us both,
Your a big boy now so lets not talk about both,
You’ve hardly listened to a word I have said,
Oh my god.
Please take it easy it can’t all be my fault,
I haven’t made half the mistakes that you've listed so far,
Baby let me explain something its all down to drugs,
At least I remember taking and not a lot else,
It seems I have stepped over lines you've drawn again and again,
But if the ecstasy's in the will is definitely out,
Dr Jekyll is Russell and Hyde,
From my pride.
Thursday, 19 June 2008
Smiley Faces
I think that when people are sad, it reflects others around them.
When somebody see's a glum face, in turn there’s become glum too.
So I put on my best smile and hope for the best.
I laugh at people's jokes because laughing makes me feel better.
I feel better now, not entirely but a little to say the least.
Suzanna on the other hand, I feel is getting worse.
I wish I could teach her how to smile...
When somebody see's a glum face, in turn there’s become glum too.
So I put on my best smile and hope for the best.
I laugh at people's jokes because laughing makes me feel better.
I feel better now, not entirely but a little to say the least.
Suzanna on the other hand, I feel is getting worse.
I wish I could teach her how to smile...
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Monday, 16 June 2008
Charlie is gone.
So Taylor, what happens now?
What happens when Charlie is gone?
I asked him to leave, so he did.
Not strong enough to stay and fight for me.
I am not strong enough to fight for him.
So I am alone now.
Alone with my thoughts and colours again.
What becomes of me now?
I am faded.
My wings are broken.
But somehow I will find the strength.
Somewhere, somehow I will find it.
Pray that I do Taylor.
What happens when Charlie is gone?
I asked him to leave, so he did.
Not strong enough to stay and fight for me.
I am not strong enough to fight for him.
So I am alone now.
Alone with my thoughts and colours again.
What becomes of me now?
I am faded.
My wings are broken.
But somehow I will find the strength.
Somewhere, somehow I will find it.
Pray that I do Taylor.
Friday, 13 June 2008
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
I am faded
Today I feel... I'm not so sure.
I feel that somewhere deep down inside of me a little needle is pricking at my skin and trying to keep me awake, trying to tell me something, trying to give me a sign.
But I don’t let it, I tend to ignore the signs of life. That needle sews through my heart like it would when intertwining together a beautiful piece of soft, delicate Egyptian silk. Though I am not like silk. I am not soft or beautiful or delicate.
I am just me. Eden.
My beautiful colour's that once surrounded me are fading, now all I see, now all I dream, is dull greys and browns, blacks and blues. Sometimes a flash of pink or apple green may interrupt it but it never stays long, it see's my dull and dangerous colour’s and turns a blind eye, knowing that if it stays, it to will fade and eventually become just another colour that is worthless.
I’m not sure how I feel anymore, i'm not sure I know HOW to feel anymore.
My emotions are all merged in together so I can’t identify a single one, I cannot tell when I am happy, or sad, or in love or loved. I cannot tell that people need me or I need certain people.
I cannot tell, so all I do is sleep. Because then I dream, although the colour’s are dull, my dreams are not, my mind loves to escape and sometimes I get a glimpse of how my life could have been if I stayed.
Suzanna is still breaking. My heart is breaking with her. I feel no more love to give.
I will fix this though, because broken things are meant to be fixed right?
I feel that somewhere deep down inside of me a little needle is pricking at my skin and trying to keep me awake, trying to tell me something, trying to give me a sign.
But I don’t let it, I tend to ignore the signs of life. That needle sews through my heart like it would when intertwining together a beautiful piece of soft, delicate Egyptian silk. Though I am not like silk. I am not soft or beautiful or delicate.
I am just me. Eden.
My beautiful colour's that once surrounded me are fading, now all I see, now all I dream, is dull greys and browns, blacks and blues. Sometimes a flash of pink or apple green may interrupt it but it never stays long, it see's my dull and dangerous colour’s and turns a blind eye, knowing that if it stays, it to will fade and eventually become just another colour that is worthless.
I’m not sure how I feel anymore, i'm not sure I know HOW to feel anymore.
My emotions are all merged in together so I can’t identify a single one, I cannot tell when I am happy, or sad, or in love or loved. I cannot tell that people need me or I need certain people.
I cannot tell, so all I do is sleep. Because then I dream, although the colour’s are dull, my dreams are not, my mind loves to escape and sometimes I get a glimpse of how my life could have been if I stayed.
Suzanna is still breaking. My heart is breaking with her. I feel no more love to give.
I will fix this though, because broken things are meant to be fixed right?
Friday, 6 June 2008
To Taylor
Taylor,
So I spoke to you today!!
We both agreed how depressing these blogs are!
So I will write something happy for you, and for me-so we can remember the good things in life and not get so down about the rubbish things!
Remember that we both have sparkles in our eyes, we are both beautiful and one day, maybe sooner than you think we will meet again-until then-no matter how much trouble we are getting from Troy’s, Charlie’s, Suzanna’s etc, remember that in the end all that matters is how much we sparkle and shine, how much we toy with our colours, how much we choose to love or not to love, remember to eat loads of Turkish delight chocolate and don’t feel an ounce guilty, because life is too short to think about things like that-enjoy it while we can is what I say.
I don’t know when I will see you again Taylor, but I know that one day I will and when I do I will finally be home and my wings can be rested…
So I spoke to you today!!
We both agreed how depressing these blogs are!
So I will write something happy for you, and for me-so we can remember the good things in life and not get so down about the rubbish things!
Remember that we both have sparkles in our eyes, we are both beautiful and one day, maybe sooner than you think we will meet again-until then-no matter how much trouble we are getting from Troy’s, Charlie’s, Suzanna’s etc, remember that in the end all that matters is how much we sparkle and shine, how much we toy with our colours, how much we choose to love or not to love, remember to eat loads of Turkish delight chocolate and don’t feel an ounce guilty, because life is too short to think about things like that-enjoy it while we can is what I say.
I don’t know when I will see you again Taylor, but I know that one day I will and when I do I will finally be home and my wings can be rested…
Thursday, 5 June 2008
Suzanna
I cannot believe this has happened, not to Suzanna, not to her.
I always knew in the back of my mind that one day it would get her but i always hoped she would beat it.
How did i let this happen?
I am so ashamed of myself for letting this happen.
How could i have let this happen to her?
She is so beautiful, so courageous and innocent, now she is in pain, her heart is broken.
I have to be strong now but i find it hard to mend her when i am so broken myself.
I long to tell her not to worry, everything will be fine, please dont hurt yourself again but i would be lying, As it wont get better, it NEVER does.
I long to take her away and help her forget all her pain, to teach her how to stay afloat in the world, to smile without drowning, but i cant teach her those things if i do not know how to do them myself.
I cant believe this has happened.
Not to her.
Not to her.
I have to try and be strong now, for Suzanna.
I always knew in the back of my mind that one day it would get her but i always hoped she would beat it.
How did i let this happen?
I am so ashamed of myself for letting this happen.
How could i have let this happen to her?
She is so beautiful, so courageous and innocent, now she is in pain, her heart is broken.
I have to be strong now but i find it hard to mend her when i am so broken myself.
I long to tell her not to worry, everything will be fine, please dont hurt yourself again but i would be lying, As it wont get better, it NEVER does.
I long to take her away and help her forget all her pain, to teach her how to stay afloat in the world, to smile without drowning, but i cant teach her those things if i do not know how to do them myself.
I cant believe this has happened.
Not to her.
Not to her.
I have to try and be strong now, for Suzanna.
Tuesday, 3 June 2008
Euphoric Beats
On the day which is Saturday i am going out with Jane, Jane is everything i am not, she is my complete opposite, though when i am with her my heart is happy and i feel safe.
Oh how i love for the Euphoria to take over and tingle every sense in me, the music plays on my heart strings like a violin and i smile in the atmosphere and take a snap shot memory and hope that i remember it forever...
Oh how i love for the Euphoria to take over and tingle every sense in me, the music plays on my heart strings like a violin and i smile in the atmosphere and take a snap shot memory and hope that i remember it forever...
Delicate Wings
My wings are closing and becoming broken now...
Why hasn't she written?
Why hasn't Charlie understood yet?
With all my energy i have none, i still long to sleep and let the dreams and colours engulf me.
I cannot sleep anymore without dreaming about my wings being pulled off and being thrown to the ground, my wings are delicate and they are breaking before my very eyes.
I cannot stop it, it is like something that is ment to be, one of those choices i cannot make.
Though in the end fate made that choice for me and how i hate it for doing so!
Why hasn't she written?
Why hasn't Charlie understood yet?
With all my energy i have none, i still long to sleep and let the dreams and colours engulf me.
I cannot sleep anymore without dreaming about my wings being pulled off and being thrown to the ground, my wings are delicate and they are breaking before my very eyes.
I cannot stop it, it is like something that is ment to be, one of those choices i cannot make.
Though in the end fate made that choice for me and how i hate it for doing so!
Letting Go?
Surely replacing your new friends, job and haircut with new ones only sugar coats it?
Is it not better to resolve the previous problem than to make new ones?
Is it easier to let go of things in your past rather than cling onto them?
I find i cling on so hard that my hands become tired and bleed, i cannot let go of all the things that made me happy, made me sad, all the things that i have lost, i cannot-will not let go.
Even when times are hard, try not to let go...
Is it not better to resolve the previous problem than to make new ones?
Is it easier to let go of things in your past rather than cling onto them?
I find i cling on so hard that my hands become tired and bleed, i cannot let go of all the things that made me happy, made me sad, all the things that i have lost, i cannot-will not let go.
Even when times are hard, try not to let go...
Raindrops
They (well Eden)also say that rain as well as washing the slate clean, can cleanse your soul if you let it absorb into your skin.
Maybe every raindrop represents a different feeling or emotion.
Maybe the rain can wash away the Troy’s and Charlie’s and leave you with only yourself?
Maybe every raindrop represents a different feeling or emotion.
Maybe the rain can wash away the Troy’s and Charlie’s and leave you with only yourself?
Monday, 2 June 2008
Numb
Today i do not have drops of jupiter in my hair, my skin has not been kissed by the sun and my eyes do not sparkle.
Today i have no sparkle, no feelings, no smile.
I want to scream because i cannot get rid of the numbness that takes over my heart and claims it for all to see, for all to point at and ridicule.
Why can't i just sleep for hours and hope that the numbness will fade? I long for it to fade, i long for Charlie to understand this, i long for Eden to understand this.
Just fade away numbness, thats all i ask, just fade away, go to where the nothingness went and be happy with it, do not plague my heart with your darkness and evil.
Just fade away...
Today i have no sparkle, no feelings, no smile.
I want to scream because i cannot get rid of the numbness that takes over my heart and claims it for all to see, for all to point at and ridicule.
Why can't i just sleep for hours and hope that the numbness will fade? I long for it to fade, i long for Charlie to understand this, i long for Eden to understand this.
Just fade away numbness, thats all i ask, just fade away, go to where the nothingness went and be happy with it, do not plague my heart with your darkness and evil.
Just fade away...
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