has it been over 2 years since i last blogged?
has it been so long?
my life has changed profoundly..
I am now a mummy.
She is my world, she is beautiful and my heart is complete.
Although saying that i fear its more shattered(in a good way) because now i have the love for her, it overwhelms me, scares me, fills me with joy and love.
I may as well be walking around with my heart on the outside for the rest of my life.
Taylor, i wish you could meet her. I think of you still.
Sunday, 15 May 2011
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Eyes..
I dreamt last night that he came to me.
His hands full of daringly beautiful flowers and his eyes full of regret and apologies.
"I'm sorry" he said, "Forgive me" he asked, in a pained and genuine way.
I took a moment (in my dream) to analyze him. He was wearing all black, like a recent widow mourning and slowly dying with heartbreak. His collar on his shirt was unironed and ruffled, but i liked that "man" in him.
His eyes, his beautiful eyes were sparkling, deep blue like the unforeseen depths of an undisturbed ocean. They shone and twinkled with every blink, every stare.
God how i miss those eyes, his perfect beautiful eyes..
His hands full of daringly beautiful flowers and his eyes full of regret and apologies.
"I'm sorry" he said, "Forgive me" he asked, in a pained and genuine way.
I took a moment (in my dream) to analyze him. He was wearing all black, like a recent widow mourning and slowly dying with heartbreak. His collar on his shirt was unironed and ruffled, but i liked that "man" in him.
His eyes, his beautiful eyes were sparkling, deep blue like the unforeseen depths of an undisturbed ocean. They shone and twinkled with every blink, every stare.
God how i miss those eyes, his perfect beautiful eyes..
Monday, 27 July 2009
If you could see me now..
When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise.
But as for your heart, when that breaks its completely silent. You would think as its so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell.
But its silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise, its internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea, it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken, roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions.
But that's the thing about love, no one is untouchable. Its as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks its silent.
You're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.
But as for your heart, when that breaks its completely silent. You would think as its so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell.
But its silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise, its internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea, it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken, roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions.
But that's the thing about love, no one is untouchable. Its as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks its silent.
You're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.
Sunday, 26 July 2009
Letting go of Jane..
Its funny how when you think your going to have a "good year" things go terribly wrong.
I can't believe that i have lost Jane. I can't believe after 15 years its over.
But that's what happens in life, friends are supposed to come and go, and you learn to cope.
Coping is not as easier as it is made out though, who makes up these stupid rules anyway?
At least i still have Taylor though, not long now..
I can't believe that i have lost Jane. I can't believe after 15 years its over.
But that's what happens in life, friends are supposed to come and go, and you learn to cope.
Coping is not as easier as it is made out though, who makes up these stupid rules anyway?
At least i still have Taylor though, not long now..
Monday, 27 April 2009
Dear Taylor..
Taylor my darling, in just a few short months, a few more dreamy days, we will finally be together again.
Until that day i am travelling the world and making memories that we can share when we are old and wrinkled...
Until that day i am travelling the world and making memories that we can share when we are old and wrinkled...
Monday, 26 January 2009
Drifting..
I must have seen a million different people, a million different faces, a million different uniforms, a million different places.
Should i start to consider a "career" or carry on drifting from place to place, while idly dreaming about better and more suitable ways i could be spending my time?
Is a person defined by their job title? Does a job make you who you are?
The more money you earn, the more money you want and the more you spend. I have never earned a lot of money, i have never needed more (well..) and i try not to spend more than what i earn, however maybe now/soon/whenever i should start thinking about what job i would glady get up for in the morning with a smile on my face because at this moment in my "career" I'm struggling to simply open my eyes!
Should i start to consider a "career" or carry on drifting from place to place, while idly dreaming about better and more suitable ways i could be spending my time?
Is a person defined by their job title? Does a job make you who you are?
The more money you earn, the more money you want and the more you spend. I have never earned a lot of money, i have never needed more (well..) and i try not to spend more than what i earn, however maybe now/soon/whenever i should start thinking about what job i would glady get up for in the morning with a smile on my face because at this moment in my "career" I'm struggling to simply open my eyes!
Monday, 12 January 2009
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