Taylor darling,
One day we shall meet again, until that day know that i'll love ya always and i smile at the memories we have made..
Merry Christmas x x
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth,
oh never mind,
You will never understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in twenty years, you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future or worry that know that worrying is as affective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind.
The kind that blindsides you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other peoples' hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken'on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can, don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.
Read the directions even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents.
You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings.
They are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go.
But a precious few, who should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, for as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in London once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Australia once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalible truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old and when you do, you'll fanaticise that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse but you'll never know when either one will run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're forty, it will look eighty-five.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia.
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth,
oh never mind,
You will never understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in twenty years, you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future or worry that know that worrying is as affective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind.
The kind that blindsides you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other peoples' hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken'on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can, don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.
Read the directions even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents.
You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings.
They are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go.
But a precious few, who should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, for as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in London once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Australia once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalible truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old and when you do, you'll fanaticise that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse but you'll never know when either one will run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're forty, it will look eighty-five.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia.
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Monday, 15 December 2008
Angry Eden
Can you ever miss something you never had??
I sometimes imagine what my life would be like if things had gone different, what if i had said or done something different? Would my life be better?
I sit and i imagine this and it makes me cry. I look at other people and i am envious, desperate for a "normal" family life, the whole "2.4 children" upbringing and bond.
I crave to not be so socially unaccepted, to not have a father means i am different? I used to hate this, people used to look at me with such sadness in their eyes when i told them, people used to say "Oh it must have been hard for you growing up" and i would simply reply "I was happy with what i did have rather than focus on what i didn't" but this was/is a lie.
Coz what do they know? How do they know the pain and suffering that me and Reece have been through, how do they know about the endless times i have cried, the endless times i have hurt myself so much that my mother simply rejects me and blocks me out? How do they know that one day, one stupid day can change somebodies life in such a traumatic way forever??
HOW DOES ANYBODY KNOW THIS?? HOW CAN YOU TELL ANYBODY THIS??
I sometimes imagine what my life would be like if things had gone different, what if i had said or done something different? Would my life be better?
I sit and i imagine this and it makes me cry. I look at other people and i am envious, desperate for a "normal" family life, the whole "2.4 children" upbringing and bond.
I crave to not be so socially unaccepted, to not have a father means i am different? I used to hate this, people used to look at me with such sadness in their eyes when i told them, people used to say "Oh it must have been hard for you growing up" and i would simply reply "I was happy with what i did have rather than focus on what i didn't" but this was/is a lie.
Coz what do they know? How do they know the pain and suffering that me and Reece have been through, how do they know about the endless times i have cried, the endless times i have hurt myself so much that my mother simply rejects me and blocks me out? How do they know that one day, one stupid day can change somebodies life in such a traumatic way forever??
HOW DOES ANYBODY KNOW THIS?? HOW CAN YOU TELL ANYBODY THIS??
Lewis-the carer??
Lewis, please be patient, please show that you care. Please don't be offended when i get mad or don't give your kisses, please don't get mad when i just wanna be alone, or alternatively just want you. My heart is yours Lewis but it is not whole, and until you can help me find all of the pieces i will get angry and emotional, i will cry, with tears or through happiness, i will get jealous and sulk (a whole lot) but then i will be proud and forgiving, i will reach to you for answers when i have lost my words, i will say one thing and mean another, but then i will say nothing and it can mean everything, please be patient and understand this, please show that you care, because slowly, i am finding my pieces again and my sparkle is coming back, and i know this is because of you...
Soul-less?
It breaks my heart Taylor that my soul is over the other side of the world, but then i can smile coz i know it is with you..
Word Search
Suzanna i fear is easily manipulated and her naivety sometimes gets the better of her, though through this i can see a beautiful young woman, scared of life, scared of loving, scared of living, scared of letting people down, i see so much of myself in her, in my eyes she could never let me down though i fear she is getting worse and my heart is breaking for her.
I am wracking my brains trying to figure out how to help her, comfort her, be there for her but i just cannot seem to find the answers. How can i tell her to "be strong" or "don't worry" when deep down i am so scared and broken myself.
Aren't families supposed to be "bonded" and connected in a undeniable way?
Why then do i find myself drifting away from them, discouraged and disappointed by her constant put downs and selfishness? I would love to take Suzanna with me but i have nowhere to go, nowhere where i can even call "home". I want so much to give her the answers that she is so desperately searching for, but i cannot seem to find the words.
I can never find the words..
I am wracking my brains trying to figure out how to help her, comfort her, be there for her but i just cannot seem to find the answers. How can i tell her to "be strong" or "don't worry" when deep down i am so scared and broken myself.
Aren't families supposed to be "bonded" and connected in a undeniable way?
Why then do i find myself drifting away from them, discouraged and disappointed by her constant put downs and selfishness? I would love to take Suzanna with me but i have nowhere to go, nowhere where i can even call "home". I want so much to give her the answers that she is so desperately searching for, but i cannot seem to find the words.
I can never find the words..
Thursday, 4 December 2008
Aches and Pains
It hurts my soul because I can't let go. All the walls are caving in, I can't stop my suffering.
I hate to show that I've lost control, because I keep going right back to the one thing that I need.
I'm about to break I cant stop this ache. I'm addicted to your allure and I'm feigning for a cure.
Every step I take leads to one mistake. I keep going right back to the one thing that I need.
I can't mend this torn state I'm in. Getting nothing in return what did I do to deserve the pain of this slow burn.
And everywhere I turn I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from..
I hate to show that I've lost control, because I keep going right back to the one thing that I need.
I'm about to break I cant stop this ache. I'm addicted to your allure and I'm feigning for a cure.
Every step I take leads to one mistake. I keep going right back to the one thing that I need.
I can't mend this torn state I'm in. Getting nothing in return what did I do to deserve the pain of this slow burn.
And everywhere I turn I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from..
Eden is so delluded!
Its always raining in my head, you should just forget all the things i should have said. Behind my smile i am broken. Your words to me are just a whisper, your face is so unclear. I'll try to pay attention but i fear your words will just disappear.
Why do you keep hurting me?
Why do you say you love me?
I'll speak to you in riddles, coz my words always seem to get in my way. I can't take anymore of this, i wanna run and hide or dig myself a little hole inside your precious heart?
I am nothing more than a little girl inside, i cry out for attention yet ill always try to hide.
Why do you keep hurting me?
Its always raining in my head now..
Why do you keep hurting me?
Why do you say you love me?
I'll speak to you in riddles, coz my words always seem to get in my way. I can't take anymore of this, i wanna run and hide or dig myself a little hole inside your precious heart?
I am nothing more than a little girl inside, i cry out for attention yet ill always try to hide.
Why do you keep hurting me?
Its always raining in my head now..
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
To Dad
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there;
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain.
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush.
I am in the graceful rush of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the star shine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom;
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing;
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.
Of all the things you have missed, the things you will, ill try not to cry coz i know you are here, you will always be here. I will never forget.
Happy Birthday Dad :)
I am not there;
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain.
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush.
I am in the graceful rush of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the star shine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom;
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing;
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.
Of all the things you have missed, the things you will, ill try not to cry coz i know you are here, you will always be here. I will never forget.
Happy Birthday Dad :)
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
Monday, 1 December 2008
Taylor
I think (actually i am pretty much 100% certain) that Snow Patrol's "Run" is probably one of the best songs ever :)
I would do anything to see them live wouldn't you??
I would do anything to see them live wouldn't you??
For Lewis x x x
Some little snippets of love for you:
I love you-those three words have my life in them..
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return..
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying..
A simple i love you means more than money!
Love; a temporary insanity, curable by marriage..
If I know what love is, It is because of you. .
When i am not here Lewis, Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you, in your heart..
Forever x x
I love you-those three words have my life in them..
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return..
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying..
A simple i love you means more than money!
Love; a temporary insanity, curable by marriage..
If I know what love is, It is because of you. .
When i am not here Lewis, Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you, in your heart..
Forever x x
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