Sparkles and Stars

As i stare into the night sky through the gap of my peach curtains (i say peach as i can only imagine that was the colour of them once), i remember my life a long long time ago, when is some how seemed simple, when i was able to make decisions and stick to them, when i knew how to arrange thoughts in my head, when it was fun and creative and original.

For now, its seems decisions are erratic and unstable, my thoughts a jumbled blur somewhere in the distance; to which i have no control over. My life is no longer fun and it couldn't be further from original even if i tried.

How do i get back to the life that once was? Shall i ever get it back?

Do i need to come to an all important decision that will change the course of my life forever, for better or worse?

The stars don't seem to sparkle tonight, they are dull and lifeless in the black and miserable sky that surrounds them.

People(though who these people are i do not know) say that once you meet your 'One' you know in an instant and therefore (the basic principle) your life is restored, your troubles halved and your soul rested. What though; if you never find that one?

Is your soul going to be constantly searching and tired?

Or maybe, just maybe you have already found your one and it is simply not as dramatic as the 'people' (damn people) have made it out to be.

When are you the most happiest? Does the word happiness define your job? Or your home, your family and friends, the person you decide to call your one?

What if you have all of these things and you are still not happy? What do the 'People' say about that??

Perhaps i sense that this is a romance of a different kind-romance so fine it was as fragile as crystal, romance unfurling delicately, like a silken bud or a cygnet hatching. Maybe it has to be watched through binoculars with the steadiest hands?

"Listen hard enough and you might hear me snoring" he says. I think about this in a careful manner. Oh how wonderful it would be if you were so in touch with somebody that you could sense what they were doing, hear their snores, hear their heartbeat like a drum in your ear-which in my opinion is often mistaken for an earache.

Twins they say have a connection, almost physic. How can this be based on anything other than coincidence? Or a possible fact that two people spend so much time that they practically become one, more or less.

Anyway back to the night sky and the peach (or whatever) curtains. The stars still are not sparkling. So i come to the conclusion, thus being, it is not the stars that have lost their sparkle, it is; in fact me!

So then Eden, how do you go about getting your sparkle back? Why are you now talking about yourself in the third person? weird.

I am slightly irritated by the lack of concentration i have these days, by how i think about things way to much, things that will probably never be answered.

The fringe of my bedspread seems good enough distraction for me to divert my eyes, to what i am sure of, my room is just as dull as the sky.

I suppose i should finish this (whatever 'this' is) with a concluding paragraph or summary, but how can you conclude or summarize your life when it hasn't even begun?

So i will just sit here, staring, listening and thinking.

I will just sit here and wait for my sparkle to come back...